Diagnosis for autism was a surprisingly unequivocal call for my psychologist.
Ever since I’ve been filling in the gaps. As we approach February I’m shocked to find I’m almost a year old (diagnostically speaking). March 4th will be my birthday.
The other night I had a powerful dream that I was interviewed on national television about being autistic. To articulate what this means in public was clearly wish fulfilment of a kind. I guess I’m tired of being on the margins where I’m invisible and expected to be a good quiet autistic who continues to resemble the neurotypical person everyone (including me) thought I was.
You see I’m learning something important. I don’t want to be that person – one who has to work against my nature and cultural affinities.
Part of this is speaking up and out about everyday matters and expressing my preferences more assertively. One tactic I’ve developed is to describe my experiences online (as in my dream – a way of being public about this) and also directly to source. I’m no longer afraid of addressing organisations, for example, when autistic perspectives are absent.
Yesterday I took on the embedded assumptions of my profession via my super supportive and friendly artist’s network a-n in a post called, Autistic artist seeks professional development.
I’m just so very tired of the fog around social codes creating barriers to access at every level. Those who grow up disentitled know no other. Pernicious fog it is indeed which comes in the way of any fundamental understanding of a process which constantly denies you. Imagine a lifetime of that and the shift required to break through it.
My job now is to develop clear autistic boundaries – which will also mean deciding to leave certain activities and environments behind me.
I only have a finite set of resources for each day – I plan to use them wisely.
Diagnosis is a springboard. Watch me dive.