I am floating. This is so very pleasant, though I know I need to feel sharper to get through my day – float is what it is. The float brings with it anxiety. Anxiety of the – I shouldn’t be doing this – kind.
Times like these are when my body takes over. I’m working. Working in my studio – spending long hours getting back to my art practice after a long break. This is where I pick up the threads.
I’m also viewing the world (through my fingers) as it shifts towards uncertainty. Trump has Putin standing on his neck says Paul Auster on Channel 4 News. Nothing brings home our global predicament more powerfully than this image. I let it drip feed into my brain to avoid too much panic.
But these are not the only lanes in the superhighway of mental activity and agitation.
I’m also processing autism. My autism.
I learn so much everyday. Mainly a growing awareness of the radical nature of autistic difference from the neuro-normative. It’s so profound, so vast. This way of being is immensely free.
I see many, many occasions, so many circumstances in which neuro-normative culture insists on conformity, and fails to conceive of the vastness outside of it’s parameters.
This makes it hard to see our way through the preconceptions.
This makes it easy to feel constantly in the wrong. (Anxiety provoking in itself)
So the trick as I see it is to float and banish that anxiety. The float isn’t what’s wrong. So embrace the float. Survey the vastness in this region of perception and sense it’s utter correctness for our brains. These are our spaces. Akin to flow.
Inhabit this zone and you begin to feel energised.
You can’t fill this space or harness it – it is simply immense.
I learn it’s a mistake to call this disconnection.
Float is the highest connection I have ever known.