I see myself


Objects vibrate, resonate, empathise and chatter. Objects speak.

I’m so very grateful to Steve Silberman for introducing me to Amanda Baggs (now Amelia/Mel) on p16 of  NeuroTribes.  In 2007  a CNN video entitled ‘In My Language‘ featured Mel’s autistic language, consisting of wordless singing and stimming with objects and in response to the environment. In my house we call this form of vocalisation ninging. We have our very own ninger in the family and it was extraordinary good to hear another.

I’m sorry that this encounter has derailed my reading of Steve’s seminal work for the time being (I’ll be diving back in very soon) BUT Mel Baggs kind of stopped me in my tracks. Always distractable, this epic read would have had to be non-sequential in any case – there’s so very much to process AND I could probably spend a lifetime inside of NeuroTribes, meeting and greeting all these wonderful autistic characters. It’s going to be a long read.

Just to warn you that if you are new to In My Langauge, and you google Amanda Baggs wanting more, you will immediately stumble upon a false controversy. My one concern is that NeuroTribes will bring many newcomers to Mel’s video who may then be confused by some hateful propaganda that remains extant online. Don’t go there, and if you stumble into this vile corner of the internet don’t tarry. I’ve been there and spent some time learning exactly how base, intrusive and adhesive this stuff can be. I wish there were some way of cleaning it up so that the purity of Mel’s language can be the focus for first time viewers. Because what’s most interesting and important IS Mel’s language.

Immediately I saw (and understood) not only the powerful validity of an unrecognised tongue, but also the artistry of such an existence. By this I mean that Mel lives, what many artists hope to achieve in their work, and for this Mel deserves recognition too. What I mean to say is that the contribution of, In My Language, to autism is one thing and it’s relevance to object art and performance art (to give but two examples) is another. To my mind Mel is a pioneer in both, and once more we see an example of the autistic mind pushing forward and contributing to what people think of as the conversation, to what’s so often called the mainstream. Again, it is a neurotypical culture which can learn from an autistic one.

So why does Mel sing to me so sweetly? I am a neurodivergent woman with a quiet body in the everyday (meaning I don’t have obvious stims), yet I recognise what I see. I see myself. Witness to Mel’s intense conversation with the objects and elements in the environment I find a reflection of my own artistic practice and my own intense engagement and fascination with objects as containers of meaning.

Mel says of this language,

“It is about being in a constant conversation with every aspect of my environment…”

Not for nothing do artists talk about developing visual languages – for me objects vibrate, resonate, empathise and chatter. Objects speak.  Our conversation is without words, based on touch and vision. I often loose myself as I move these objects around, grouping them in ways which feel harmonious and respectful. These objects are my friends and give me great pleasure. Old suitcases are my special friends, humming and singing from the corners of my studio, creating a positive forcefield in which to work. I too believe that this is a form of thinking, with my hands and eyes, listening intently to wordless harmonics and making sense of the space around me.

My feeling about the video is that Mel’s conversations with objects and elements (such as running water) come from the same source as my own artistic conversations – only Mel’s seem purer, more direct and more powerful to me as a viewer (I have no idea how I appear to others in performance). There are three sections in a film collaboration I made last Summer in which I play with sand, and make two assemblages. These were the moments I felt wholly comfortable on camera – entirely engaged and myself. For the first time I find parallels in what I’m doing. Those parallels are with Mel’s language. This is beyond exciting!

I can only observe and be amazed at the beauty of what I see in this short capture of a life lived in poetic communion with the environment. It promises to stay with me and deeply influence many aspects of my work – particularly performance and assemblage. I feel my thinking around my creative practice shifting in relation to the video in ways I can’t yet articulate – I simply feel it as a deep vibration. The objects gather around me filling me with joy. I think they agree.

NB Mel’s blog is withasmoothroundstone. There is a post called Okay here’s the deal with pronouns which details Mel’s preferred pronouns and why pronouns are problematic in the context of autism, and gender assumptions. For this reason I have avoided the use of pronouns in this blog post.


Published by soniaboue

I am an artist.

3 thoughts on “I see myself

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