I’m trying to untangle a conversation. It was a brain ache.
Complex new ideas were being put forward and it all took place on Twitter, which probably didn’t help. I mainly watched and processed as two individuals talked about difference vs disability.
Others joined in expressing first confusion and later distress.
It is indeed distressing not to understand in the context of autism, where misunderstanding can feel like the default position.
How to trust your voice? How to be sure that the more fluid and practiced voices are spouting a version of reality which is true to you? Aspects of what they say might sound familiar – and possibly correct (it will likely be correct for them but what about for you?)
How to hook it up and see if it fits in the moment? Trying to follow such a conversation can feel like the knitting needles clack without you moving them and the garment being made is too tight and full of holes. The wool is scratchy and your nerves are frayed.
The person being challenged in this conversation was autistic, the one challenging identified as neurodivergent unspecified (ND). But clearly not autistic.
I had the sinking sensation that the autistic person was being probed uncomfortably.
No, this person had no ill intention I’m sure. In their eyes they were looking for the “truth” – which is often shorthand for; agree with me and see it my way.
Treating an autistic person like this is an example of not listening. And yet again the autistic person is denied validation and told that they are wrong. They are made to justify their position and told that it is wrong.
The non-autistic person doesn’t understand the position being taken – therefore the autistic person must be wrong because it is too difficult to take a step sideways and ask – how is it really in your world.
This person’s starting point was that they were ND too with the assumption it seemed that we should therefore all be singing from the same hymn sheet. (Personally this is my ongoing frustration with the new terminology we are all currently adopting).
And for a period my timeline was dominated by the ND unspecified person pressing the autistic person on their position. With the suggestion of ableism rising to the surface though quickly retracted.
My only contribution was to ask for respect and attentive listening but this remained unacknowledged.
I am deeply discomforted by this experience and ask is it any wonder that autistic people often fear to speak and that autism is associated with mutism in it’s various forms.
Such experiences confirm that the term ND doesn’t guarantee safe spaces and isn’t always a useful term.
I have also found trusted and willing ears on my many travels – but I wish it wasn’t this difficult in general terms. That autistic people could be encouraged (especially within the growing neurodivergent communities) to forge an identity and to self lead.
It’s not asking much and is actually a basic right.
No one wants the scratchy jumper that doesn’t fit.
The other side 
Ah Twitter. I fear it brings me more pain than pleasure and yet I can’t stay away… desperate to seek understanding about and approval from a tribe that I don’t belong to, desperately alienated from the tribe that technically I do… (and in theory it’s OK for me as an NT!) Overall, I am just saddened that humans of whatever just can’t say “I hear you…” – lonely in a crowd as they say… Stick to your path and keep blogging too, you keep me going sometimes xxxxx
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Yes Jill – Twitter how we both love and hate it! I am thoroughly confused about the value of this new terminology – I kind of want autism to just be autism. SO much clear in my mind than ND. TYSM for the support! I understand your situation too. xxxxx
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I agree with D,N & H above. Face-to-face conversations are tough enough (and I’m NT) but on twitter one not only deals with people who may or may not be articulate; may or may not be able to condense their ideas in to 140 characters; but also with asynchronous communication. I hope I’m not missing the point here, but sometimes the communication channel can be a limited factor in getting a message across and understood.
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Hello and thank you for the message! I agree totally about Twitter – not the best forum for complex ideas.
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Yes! Twitter has its limitations and for people like myself who have yet to master it the limitations multiply and unwitting happenings happen.
The conversation you describe is really quite alarming as you so rightly say such lack of listening and acceptance can easily further inhibit AS people from attempting to communicate.
It seems that the notion of sharing one’s experiences, accepting the validity of each individual’s position, disposition and reality of those experiences as a valuable means of furthering both understanding of self and other .
The Us and Them raises its ugly profiling stance.
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Apologies… poorly written reply above… mean the value of sharing such and as such is lost in the Us and Them attitudes that the ND person exhibited.
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Thank you for reading the post and for your comments! I understand what you mean exactly 🙂
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